For not understanding + constantly getting mad at my autistic husband. For not supporting or loving him well. For being disappointed in how my children have retreated to TikTok, YouTube + videogames since the pandemic. For being so angry at people in our former community who judged my 13-year old incredibly harshly after he made a mistake + apologize for it, that I never want to see most of them ever again. For being unable or unwilling to forgive people who turned against or ghosted our family, people we thought were friends. For judging other people to make myself feel better. For listening to the sweet seductive whispers of depression + harsh self-criticism yet again. For turning to food for comfort instead of movement. For taking refuge in the Internet rather than practices that ground + nourish me. For complaining about my boss. For being afraid to show up. For trying to be all things + not really being many of them very well. For being self-absorbed and forgetting the joy in service.

Anonymous